Limericks Mk 3.

I have been notified that the book of Limericks which I ordered and which had to be specially printed is on its way and hopefully they are about drop bears and kangaroos rather than flatulent nuns and other bodily functions.

I have heard no more about the hole in my wall; the wheels of the Strata Management are grinding very slowly as they have not even bothered to get back to me but hopefully the problem will be fixed before next winter.  I suspect that when the abseilers come to clean the windows their rig will be borrowed to send down a platform with workmen able to replace either the glass or the whole panel.

My computer glasses, which I collected a couple of days ago have enabled me to read my computer without having to adjust the chair height and move my monitor to enable me to focus.  However, I have recognised the benefit of using a walking stick to help me to balance when I have to negotiate around people, aisles and displays of vegetables so I have ordered a couple more to enable colour co-ordinating.  That said, it has occurred to me that I am actually having a mild bout of vertigo which will pass without escalating if I am lucky.

The Royal Agricultural Show opened today and will last for a week.  The showgrounds are a short walk from the Quarter so we are expecting bigger than usual crowds here, some of the shops are advertising 'specials' and the Claremont Council will probably have concerts in the park.  All to be avoided where possible.  The trains are better than they used to be as Transperth now runs special trains to and from the showgrounds so that the regular trains are not full of kids overstimulated by sugar and tired from the sideshows and rides.  Needless to say, the schools co-ordinate by scheduling their holidays to free the kids up to go and waste their pocket money on showbags.

The Limerick (from "Dirty Limericks" so hopefully I can find something reasonably clean):-

A young woman got married in Chester.
Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.
She said, "You're in luck,
He's a stunning good f**k -
I've had him myself down in Leicester."

Limericks Mk 2

My book of "Dirty limericks" has arrived and most of them I would not publish here so I will pick the eyes out of it and then Book-cross it.  There are a few tried and true ones, most of which I have already posted including the one which I had intended to use again today as it is one of my favourites.  It will be a repeat but from about two years ago so it may be new to some readers.

I received an email from the apartment Management last night to tell me that someone had reported that I had a broken window.  Very puzzling with the double glazing which has a membrane between the two sheets of glass but I checked anyway.  I was not able to find anything but this morning I went down to level 4 where I can see my windows from the outside and discovered that  panel below one of my bedroom windows had a huge hole in it from what looked like a flying rock.  I hadn't realised that the lower panels are glass on the outside  -  and very thick glass at that  -  about 1cm thick so it must have been something fairly hefty and which would have to have come either from Apt 511 or the roadway on Level 4.

Anyway, it has to be photographed and then the management will repair it.  As there is no way that I could have done the damage myself I hope that I am not charged for the repairs as I do not own the outer walls, only the space which my apartment occupies.

I have finished sewing up one of the sweaters which has been sitting for a while because I was not able to focus enough for close work and have started sewing up the Purple Possum and although it will be too warm to actually wear it until next winter, tonight the temperature is predicted to go down to 4 degrees and there is a nasty wind.  I have been wearing my old cycling jacket which is pure down and very warm  -  just not meant for fashion wear.

The limerick (from memory since I am not sure which category it resides in among the Dirty Limericks:-

Rosena, a pretty young lass
Had a truly remarkable ass.
It was not round and pink
As well you might think
But was grey, had long ears and ate grass.

Limericks

For the last couple of years I have been ending my posts with a limerick.  As I have tried not to duplicate any of them I have kept a record of the first line of each one I used and there are 71 in all.  Two are duplicates, one accidental and one on purpose and noted as such.  Now I am running out of (relatively) clean limericks and the book which I have used and which I found at my MIL's house when I was helping to clean it out when she died is falling apart, much to my regret.

So I have ordered a couple more; one because it is called Aussie Limericks which is waiting on a reprint and one which is in stock and which I should receive in a few days when my bookshop of choice gets it in for me.  Its title is somewhat suggestive and I am not sure how politically correct it will be but limericks are not supposed to be scrubbed clean; it is part of their appeal that they are funny, clever and usually a bit naughty.

However, I promise you that I will never include any limericks about the musical abilities of flatulent nuns, a subject of which the writers of such poetry are all too fond.

Until my new book arrives, which should be in a couple of days, I will start back at the beginning of my list and repeat some of my most favourites, beginning with the one which has been names the 'ultimate' limerick as it encapsulates in five lines background, story and denouement.

Here it is  -  The Ultimate Limerick:-

There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished that he'd never been born.
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.

Contrary Cats

My two cats will be having their eighth birthday next month and for all the time I have had them there has been a sort of underground warfare between them.  It seems to be a dominance thing.  Although they were both sterilised when they were young there are still some behaviours inherent in their makeup.

Poppy 'calls' Parsifal who responds with appropriate cat-calls and after grooming Poppy he tries to mate with her.  As he has her in a firm grip by the scruff of her neck she submits for a short time and then, true to her female nature she attacks him.  This is typical mating behaviour for cats except that Parsifal is unable to play his part fully.  It is all a bit noisy and for almost eight years I have been trying to break things up.

However, I have finally decided to let things simply progress and see what happens.  It is interesting; Poppy appears to be the dominant one and for 24 hours poor Parsifal wandered around looking very hangcat and demanding excessive amounts of lap-time and cuddles while Poppy smirked.

They seem to have settled into the new scheme of things and spend most of the day curled up together asleep in Poppy's bed in my study.  Admittedly the weather has been very cold so it is a sensible thing to do.  They emerge to be groomed if/when I clean the litter trays and at feeding time but life is much more peaceful for all of us.

My new spectacles have not arrived yet but hopefully they will be ready sometime this week as all my reading has to be done on my e-reader with the font blown up or with my right eye covered as I am still tending to see double despite focusing with my left eye.  The computer is more difficult and I now have the monitor as far  back as possible  -  about a metre which is where the focus in my right eye kicks in.  And the ophthalmologist promised that I would be able to throw away my glasses and buy cheap reading glasses from a pharmacy.  He must have known that I had severe astigmatism which he would be unable to correct.  But my right eye was deteriorating rapidly so, whatever the outcome, the surgery needed to be done.

The limerick:-

The Marquis de Sade and Genet
Are most highly thought of today;
But torture and treachery
Are not my sort of lechery
So I've given my copies away.