Limericks Mk 3.

I have been notified that the book of Limericks which I ordered and which had to be specially printed is on its way and hopefully they are about drop bears and kangaroos rather than flatulent nuns and other bodily functions.

I have heard no more about the hole in my wall; the wheels of the Strata Management are grinding very slowly as they have not even bothered to get back to me but hopefully the problem will be fixed before next winter.  I suspect that when the abseilers come to clean the windows their rig will be borrowed to send down a platform with workmen able to replace either the glass or the whole panel.

My computer glasses, which I collected a couple of days ago have enabled me to read my computer without having to adjust the chair height and move my monitor to enable me to focus.  However, I have recognised the benefit of using a walking stick to help me to balance when I have to negotiate around people, aisles and displays of vegetables so I have ordered a couple more to enable colour co-ordinating.  That said, it has occurred to me that I am actually having a mild bout of vertigo which will pass without escalating if I am lucky.

The Royal Agricultural Show opened today and will last for a week.  The showgrounds are a short walk from the Quarter so we are expecting bigger than usual crowds here, some of the shops are advertising 'specials' and the Claremont Council will probably have concerts in the park.  All to be avoided where possible.  The trains are better than they used to be as Transperth now runs special trains to and from the showgrounds so that the regular trains are not full of kids overstimulated by sugar and tired from the sideshows and rides.  Needless to say, the schools co-ordinate by scheduling their holidays to free the kids up to go and waste their pocket money on showbags.

The Limerick (from "Dirty Limericks" so hopefully I can find something reasonably clean):-

A young woman got married in Chester.
Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.
She said, "You're in luck,
He's a stunning good f**k -
I've had him myself down in Leicester."

Limericks Mk 2

My book of "Dirty limericks" has arrived and most of them I would not publish here so I will pick the eyes out of it and then Book-cross it.  There are a few tried and true ones, most of which I have already posted including the one which I had intended to use again today as it is one of my favourites.  It will be a repeat but from about two years ago so it may be new to some readers.

I received an email from the apartment Management last night to tell me that someone had reported that I had a broken window.  Very puzzling with the double glazing which has a membrane between the two sheets of glass but I checked anyway.  I was not able to find anything but this morning I went down to level 4 where I can see my windows from the outside and discovered that  panel below one of my bedroom windows had a huge hole in it from what looked like a flying rock.  I hadn't realised that the lower panels are glass on the outside  -  and very thick glass at that  -  about 1cm thick so it must have been something fairly hefty and which would have to have come either from Apt 511 or the roadway on Level 4.

Anyway, it has to be photographed and then the management will repair it.  As there is no way that I could have done the damage myself I hope that I am not charged for the repairs as I do not own the outer walls, only the space which my apartment occupies.

I have finished sewing up one of the sweaters which has been sitting for a while because I was not able to focus enough for close work and have started sewing up the Purple Possum and although it will be too warm to actually wear it until next winter, tonight the temperature is predicted to go down to 4 degrees and there is a nasty wind.  I have been wearing my old cycling jacket which is pure down and very warm  -  just not meant for fashion wear.

The limerick (from memory since I am not sure which category it resides in among the Dirty Limericks:-

Rosena, a pretty young lass
Had a truly remarkable ass.
It was not round and pink
As well you might think
But was grey, had long ears and ate grass.

Limericks

For the last couple of years I have been ending my posts with a limerick.  As I have tried not to duplicate any of them I have kept a record of the first line of each one I used and there are 71 in all.  Two are duplicates, one accidental and one on purpose and noted as such.  Now I am running out of (relatively) clean limericks and the book which I have used and which I found at my MIL's house when I was helping to clean it out when she died is falling apart, much to my regret.

So I have ordered a couple more; one because it is called Aussie Limericks which is waiting on a reprint and one which is in stock and which I should receive in a few days when my bookshop of choice gets it in for me.  Its title is somewhat suggestive and I am not sure how politically correct it will be but limericks are not supposed to be scrubbed clean; it is part of their appeal that they are funny, clever and usually a bit naughty.

However, I promise you that I will never include any limericks about the musical abilities of flatulent nuns, a subject of which the writers of such poetry are all too fond.

Until my new book arrives, which should be in a couple of days, I will start back at the beginning of my list and repeat some of my most favourites, beginning with the one which has been names the 'ultimate' limerick as it encapsulates in five lines background, story and denouement.

Here it is  -  The Ultimate Limerick:-

There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished that he'd never been born.
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.

Contrary Cats

My two cats will be having their eighth birthday next month and for all the time I have had them there has been a sort of underground warfare between them.  It seems to be a dominance thing.  Although they were both sterilised when they were young there are still some behaviours inherent in their makeup.

Poppy 'calls' Parsifal who responds with appropriate cat-calls and after grooming Poppy he tries to mate with her.  As he has her in a firm grip by the scruff of her neck she submits for a short time and then, true to her female nature she attacks him.  This is typical mating behaviour for cats except that Parsifal is unable to play his part fully.  It is all a bit noisy and for almost eight years I have been trying to break things up.

However, I have finally decided to let things simply progress and see what happens.  It is interesting; Poppy appears to be the dominant one and for 24 hours poor Parsifal wandered around looking very hangcat and demanding excessive amounts of lap-time and cuddles while Poppy smirked.

They seem to have settled into the new scheme of things and spend most of the day curled up together asleep in Poppy's bed in my study.  Admittedly the weather has been very cold so it is a sensible thing to do.  They emerge to be groomed if/when I clean the litter trays and at feeding time but life is much more peaceful for all of us.

My new spectacles have not arrived yet but hopefully they will be ready sometime this week as all my reading has to be done on my e-reader with the font blown up or with my right eye covered as I am still tending to see double despite focusing with my left eye.  The computer is more difficult and I now have the monitor as far  back as possible  -  about a metre which is where the focus in my right eye kicks in.  And the ophthalmologist promised that I would be able to throw away my glasses and buy cheap reading glasses from a pharmacy.  He must have known that I had severe astigmatism which he would be unable to correct.  But my right eye was deteriorating rapidly so, whatever the outcome, the surgery needed to be done.

The limerick:-

The Marquis de Sade and Genet
Are most highly thought of today;
But torture and treachery
Are not my sort of lechery
So I've given my copies away.

"Maybe it's something to do with spring."

Yesterday was a hot day; today gales and rain and more of that to come over the next week.  I had my hair cut today and left the salon and into a gale.  By the time I got home I had to walk through the rain.  So much for expensive styling.

And as I walked up the main drag I was greeted by the Australia Post courier for the local area and that says much about my shopping habits which have escalated while I wait for my new glasses.  I have been spending more time than usual sitting in front of my computer and remembering things which I had planned to buy online when I got around to it.  A couple of days ago I made a list of the things which I have ordered online and there were seven items.

It is a bit of a worry but I have had one win.  I need a replacement for my regular handbag which is looking very tired but although I have looked diligently in handbag shops I have never found one with eleven pockets.  A few days ago I went into a new handbag shop in the arcade to see if they had anything (they didn't) but the assistant suggested that I should look on the zipper tag of the old bag where I would find the name of the maker, go online and see what they have to offer.  I did this and the maker's name actually was on the zipper tag so I went online and have ordered one which looks to be almost identical but maybe has a couple fewer pockets.

The cats have gone into hibernation and sleep for most of the day curled up together although some mornings I wake up to one or both of them either in or on my bed, depending on how cold the morning is.

Last night I unearthed my first MS Surface computer, charged it up and found that it was loaded with Win 8.1 which was one of my favourite operating systems because it is very decorative. The trouble was that it is so long since I have used it that after I had loaded the upgrades and scanned the hard drive I realised that I had forgotten how to turn it off and had to go to my Win 10 computer and ask.  If its battery can still hold a charge I will probably use it as it is small and light  -  about the size of my I-Pad.  

 The limerick:-

'Tis  favourite project of mine
A new value for 'pi' to assign.
I would fix it at 3
For its simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.

Today was Fingernail Day

Every three weeks I have to clip my cats' claws and for years I have had a problem with Poppy who resisted with everything she had.  I used to have to muzzle her and wrap her firmly in a big towel.  I realised that she had a painful right shoulder and  I am not sure how she injured it but the first time I boarded her back to the cattery where she was born the breeder commented on how aggressive she was and when I saw how the breeder's husband loaded them into his van the next time they went to boarding school I started to realise that the way he just threw their carry boxes into the back of his van was possibly a factor.

Needless to say they have never been back and I am not looking forward to the next time they have to be boarded out but will use the kennels connected with my Veterinary Hospital where I hope that they will be treated more gently.

Meanwhile, Poppy has been on anti-inflammatory medication for while now and for the last two times I have clipped her claws she has allowed me to do so with no hassles and has earned her post claw-clip treats very quickly.  It is such a relief to no longer have to dread fingernail days.  No muzzle and no towel; just tummy up on my lap.

The electronics in this place have gone berserk in the last few days:  the lift doors can't decide whether or not to close, the fob sensor to the door from the unsecure parking to the secure parking area will not open the door, my mobile phone has deleted D1's home phone number and my computer is acting really oddly.  I spent about an hour trying to get into my Hospital Benefits site because it no longer accepted my user name and password and wanted my membership card number as the user name (fair enough) but every time I tried to put in the new password which it demanded the site timed out and I had to start all over again.  I finally managed to get into the site and I just hope that whatever bug is on the system doesn't start on my bank.

I have visited my optometrist and am having new spectacles for everything with only the right eye needing changes  -  and he is going to try to have reading lenses put into my Randy Rainbow pink bejewelled frames.  Fingers crossed . . .

The Limerick:-

The principal food of the Siouxs
Is Indian maize, which they briouxs
And hominy make,
Or mix in a cake
And eat it with forks, as the chiouxs.

And that is the end of the Siouxs and almost the end of the book, which I inherited from my mother-in-law and which is falling apart.  I haved to visit Amazon so I will see about a new one when I order some cryptic crossword books (no longer available in Newsagents and bookshops).  It is over 50 years old and deserves to be honourably retired.

"Oh Happy Day"

I have started spinning again and it, so far, doesn't hurt at all  -  or hardly at all.  I have two cupboards full of fibre waiting to be spun and goodness knows what I am going to do with it all; spun or unspun.  Roberta had retained all her current settings but I had to replace a couple of small rubber rings and , of course, she needed some oil and grease.

My eyes are adjusting to their new status and the spectacles which I am wearing at the moment are working fairly well except for close vision.  I decided to try for the cheap pharmacy reading glasses promised by my ophthalmologist and found a pair which was great for the right eye but I couldn't see a thing out of the left lens so I have abandoned that idea and tomorrow I am off to see my optometrist and between us we are going to try for something which works. I will need reading glasses which work for both eyes and new computer glasses so that I do not have to sit a metre away from my monitor.

I am hoping that it will be possible to use my Randy Rainbow frames for my reading glasses but will have to let Mark be the judge of whether or not the technicians can get new lenses into them.  I'll use the frames which I already use for computer glasses and use the frames which I was using before the cataract surgery for one of the two for everyday use as I always need a spare pair.

The head of my local library has just had both eyes done and looked as unbalanced and unfocused as I was.  I know exactly how she is feeling.

And I am back to regular yoga and stretching out again.  To start with I was very stiff and sore but that is improving as I mobilise my joints and especially my back.

The Limerick:-

All new-fashioned boats he eschiouxs,
And uses the birch-bark caniouxs;
These are handy and light
And inverted at night
Give shelter from storms and from dyiouxs.

The spell checker is having some problems with this series of limericks.